Week #5

Nothing eventful happened this week, really. I kind of just chilled this week, preparing for debate stuff that's gonna come up in the future. It's a little stressful but I won't panic until later, so no need to freak out now.

I haven't really practiced any of my virtues since last week and stuff. Let me just be happy for once honestly.

Week #4

For any of you who sent to AMC, you'll know the overhanging fear factor used by most of the faculty and the principal. That is not to necessarily say our teachers were either horrible or excellent but the fear factor was evident and obvious.

I would always see kids casually convincing teachers to change their grades, make up assignments, and ask to postpone exams/quizzes. To me, that was a bizarre concept. I've grown up all my life fearing authority to a fault. I was scared of just talking to teachers. But I've found that AUC is different.

In AUC, I've found that the teachers are so much more relaxed than those compared to the middle school or any school I've ever been to. They look at us like adults, not as toddlers, and understand our concerns with patience. They understand that these are the years usually marked as "your development time."

In AUC, I've been comfortable talking to teachers, faculty, etc. It's only been a month. This entire week, I've noticed that I've been asking Mrs Morgante everything and anything I was curious about or had trouble with in regards to Debate. Before high school, I would only ask my friends for help in things related to school.

I know I have three virtues I want to work on, but honestly, I find that courage is my most important one. Self-esteem and self-confidence are big factors on my life and I always tend to have a very little amount of them.

I dunno, I just really want to be more sure of myself.

Week #3

Ask anyone who knows me. Go ahead, go ask anyone who hangs out with me. Go and ask them what I bother them the most with. They'll probably respond with musicals. Or they'll respond with YouTube and that's what I want to talk about right now.

Specifically about Jacksepticeye: if you don't know him, he's loud, Irish, and extremely genuine and caring. Last year, 2017, was a horrible year for him mentally. You know what he did? He started a whole movement this year called Positive Mental Attitude (PMA). If you haven't figured it out yet, I'd say my hardest virtue to practice is courage. (I think I mentioned that last week.) I'm usually a very shy person, very humble and okay with just about anything, whether I go last or if I go first in something, or if I'm assigned to a group with people I don't normally work or not. It doesn't matter all that much. I think I need to change that. 

But anyways, to my main point: I really like YouTube. I'm not talking about vloggers or the typical things people associate YT with. I'm talking about the small part of YouTube that's full of genuine creators, people like Jacksepticeye or Markiplier or Thomas Sanders. I'm in love with the stories they've created and the characters they've made. I'm a sucker for good things like that.

It's inspired 20 million people and even more. Recently, he came out with merch for this movement, to spread the message of healthy mental states. I, in love with the message, really wanted a pin for it (the hoodie was too expensive :I) but my parents absolutely hate YT. I was scared to even talk about what I like to them. They always seem to judge me.

Yesterday, I took a deep breath and I asked my mother if I could buy one of the pins. I explained to her about PMA, really hoping she won't try to shoot me down, and surprise! She really like the idea of it and told me that if it doesn't cost too much, I can buy the pin for my birthday (a gift from myself to myself lol). I opened up more about Jack and she seemed to like him, especially when I mentioned all the charity work he does.

I know gaining courage is gonna be a long process, but ya know what? I'm ready for it.

Week #2

I'm going to be quite honest: I did not necessarily practice any of my aforementioned virtues. However, I do have a little story that I think is helpful and relates a lot to one of the virtues I want to work on: courage.

So, if you may not know, I am in the Debate team. The thing is that all the freshmen had to fight for their spots on the team because there were so many people and they couldn't have so many. So, they made us prove our worth by doing the MUN (Model United Nations) work we normally would do in a month but we had to do in about 4-5 days. Long story short, I did not do the very best in one part of that assignment because I had given up, I had lost my tenacity. I knew it did that part horribly but at the time, I only wanted to submit something. 

I did very well on the other parts, however, and got in. But my mother had recommended that I ask the teacher what I did wrong and how to improve upon it.

I didn't ask. That was two weeks ago. 

Then, today, as we left from a Debate parent meeting, my parents told me of how a friend of mine had thought of the same thing-- to ask the teacher about the assignment what he did wrong. The difference is that he had to gut to ask, he had the courage I didn't have. I admire that very much. 

So why am I saying this? Because don't do what I did and shy away. Get out there and show the world exactly who you are. Don't be afraid. 

Because if you're shy, or timid, or scared, life will pass you by. You need to take the chance when your given the opportunity. Stand your ground. 

And this is exactly what I intend to do from now on. That's how I'll find my courage. 

Week #1

In order to strengthen myself as a good person, I want to be able to first strengthen these three virtues I find that I lack in:

➤Excellence is when you dedicate yourself to be better than the day before, whether with personal goals or with the people around you. This virtue is something I want to work on because I’m the type of person who says “good enough” and doesn’t try to do it better either because of frustration, laziness, or because I don’t care. This habit of saying “good enough” isn’t something I consider very good because I know for a fact that if I tried and really put myself out there, I can do better. In order to practice this habit, I want to reorganize my time and dedicate enough time to each thing I need to do. That is, I want to be ahead of my things so that I have time to revise them and make them better. I want to reflect on what I did the day before so I can learn from my mistakes and do it better next time. To put it short, my exact plan is that I want to make an agenda of sorts or a diary, and create this checklist where I can review my day and think about how I can improve the next time.

➤Courage is when you can suck it up and get yourself out there. What this means is that when you have courage, you’re able to accomplish things in life that if you were shy or scared, you wouldn’t have been able to do. This does not mean to jump off a cliff or something because you want to face your faces. It means having confidence in yourself so that you can get things done. I often find myself unable to talk to people because I’m afraid of not knowing what to say or if what I say is rude or somehow offending. I want to be able to practice the social aspect of courage as well as the inner-self aspect of it. I love a great many things and I find joy in those things but I never have the confidence or courage to do them comfortably. In order to be courageous, I want to use every opportunity I can find to either be able to talk to someone I don’t normally talk to. I want to do the things I love, talk about the things I love, without having fear of being judged. Because there are many new people in high school, I want to find the courage to talk to them and make possible friends.

➤Tenacity is when you never give up, whether on someone or something. It’s when you keep going when life gets tough, when you keep driving even though the road is bumpy. This virtue is very important when in regards to my personal mental health. Admittedly, I am very pessimistic and I know that’s not something I should be but things just happen sometimes. I give up very easily when I can’t do something on the first try or if it takes a long time for me to do said thing. This pessimistic attitude on life is both bad for me and the people I love because it can pass onto them. After all, you treat others as you would treat yourself, and if you treat yourself badly, you treat others badly. Therefore, I plan to put reminders in my room so that I remember never to give up. I will try my best to catch myself whenever I find myself trying to give up. I will communicate with my friends so that they can motivate me. I will list reasons why I shouldn’t give up and what happens if I do, and I will put it up my room.